My eyes wide open, it’s almost 2:00 am and I suddenly find myself thinking what am I doing with my life ? What is happening to me ? This is not the way it is supposed to be.
Over the last couple of years, this event has been reoccurring more frequently, more viciously. This is the result of a traumatic past in my childhood, or what’s known as PTSD. When I heard about PTSD in the media, by psychologists I thought this is just another pseudo-term for people who are weak minded; people who complain about seats when driving their BMW, people who travel in jumbo jets and criticize the wifi connection. Until I began to explore my behaviors from my childhood into adulthood, I noticed the odd behaviors, mood swings, feeling empty, all of this explained PTSD.
The beginning to discover my childhood is a traumatic event, it’s what was swept under the rug, mainly because my parents always sort of sidelined the abuses that I had incurred in their hands. They were masters of gaslighting, they manipulated their way around the situation, they always blamed me for all the faults in my life.
I began to think in my memory, which was manipulated in so many ways, until it hit me straight in the face, why did other family members wanted to ‘adopt’ me, they wanted to take care of me, both family members from either side saw the errors of my parents early on, which I hadn’t realized before.
Until it hit me straight in the face, why did other family members wanted to ‘adopt’ me
It’s a long story, and mentioning the abuse and impact on me will take too much space, but this article sums up what I face regularly.