Growth inside a Prison

kidsplayingLooking at the two children that came to my neighbors place, I recognized something different about them, they were quite small, fear in their eyes, no smile on their face, low pitched laugh coming out of the mouth, limited in their body motion. I remember this vividly in my childhood, because we played together. After they had left, I asked him why are the children so fearful and short ?

He replied, “because their parents don’t love them”

I was confused by his answer, as I myself was a kid at that time and couldn’t figure out; but after nearly a decade his answer is ringing a bell in my head. I didn’t connect the dots at that time, I was a short kid too, and they were also short, they were not as emotionally matured as normal kids are. I kept thinking what stood out, whenever they used to play, or do any sort of thing, their abusive loud mother would scold them, humiliate them, and punish them physically.

Punishing children physically is accepted in our country, so there was nothing the law could do against beating children. At certain times some children may require light punishment, but the problem lies when psychotic parents use the law as a way to physically torture and abuse kids. All the people that I remember who had faced abusive childhood, were either physically small or emotionally immature. That’s not to say that all people who are small or immature faced abuse, but it is an absolute a fact what abusive childhood does to people.

Caring parents create a safe environment for children, this emotional connection they have with their children, provides understanding, empathy, needs. As I was confused, when I heard the word ‘love’ and how it impacts childhood, I recognized there was no ‘emotional‘ connection between me and my parents, it was just behavioral connection, this didn’t allow me to be as emotionally mature. A child’s brain needs constant emotional empathy and care, that releases the growth hormone for physical growth which in turn provides emotional growth.

turma_112When I arrived in London, the center of the financial capital in Europe, to not only explore and do my studies, but also to get away from my family. I realized all this time I had been living in a prison, and being in a prison has taken it’s toll. I couldn’t function in a fast pace environment, I wasn’t mature enough to deal with stress and responsibilities, I didn’t know how to communicate effectively and connect with people, the scars and trauma are too much for me to continue, I am back in the prison, the prison broke me.

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6 thoughts on “Growth inside a Prison

  1. Bad parenting is definitely a systemic, worldwide problem. But I think a lot of bad parents actually could be good parents if the surrounding society took more of an interest in how they were raising their kids.

    You write, “I wasn’t mature enough to deal with stress and responsibilities.” The problem with bad parents is that they *also* lack that emotional maturity—and so the basic underlying problem ends up getting perpetuated down through the generations, and never gets addressed. People generally don’t like to openly admit (or even recognize) that they are not emotionally mature, and so we can’t expect them to go seeking out help for a problem that they won’t even acknowledge. Someone from outside of the family will need to point out the problem to them, based on familiarity with the outward, objective signs (in the form of the children’s performance and behavior) indicating that the parents in a particular family probably lack emotional maturity, and probably aren’t going about raising their children in a conscious way.

    While you were at my site, did you happen to take a look at my post “Non-esoteric religious communities as a solution to the intrinsic defects of the nuclear family”? I’d be interested to get your comments, whether here or on my site. I think we should be figuring out ways to solve the problem of bad parenting, instead of just assuming that the problem must always and necessarily be a part of the human condition.

    I also agree with the Psychology Today article that you linked to. But again, there’s no talk about how to stop bad parenting from happening in the future. The author is a psychotherapist, and that’s not his job. Psychotherapists only try to treat the damage caused by the problem long after its too late to do a great deal of good. So we shouldn’t be waiting for psychotherapists to figure out a way to solve the problem. In fact, if they actually solved the problem, their profession would cease to exist—which may have something to do with why they never talk about how to solve the problem, and how to prevent the damage from occurring in the first place.

    I believe the solution can only come from the formation of real-world communities whose members take a strong interest in how the children in their own community (and not just their own family) are being raised. Those same sorts of communities would also be helpful for adults who have already been the recipients of bad parenting as children.

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    1. Yes there are societal issues, and I have written about it as well. However one should not excuse evil behavior by parents, based on society, because on an individual level there are people who do evil things whether or not society is fair to them. I can take you to areas where people have next to nothing, living in extreme conditions, but the parents don’t treat their children like mine have. If you read my post ‘Mind Explosion’ you would certainly see there are people who exhibit behaviors on an ‘individual’ level. So many people believe it is stress of society that causes bad parents, yes it’s true, but there are STILL people who do horrible things to children, based on the character and personality there are born with, as a society we shouldn’t forget that.

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      1. I didn’t mean to suggest that bad parents are not morally responsible for their behavior, and I wasn’t looking to make excuses for them, or to minimize your own abuse. (At the same time, however, there are always reasons for people’s behavior, even if they’re not justifications.) My point was only that there would be a lot less abuse if there were more intervention coming from outside the family as soon as people observed signs of problems. Society should be less willing to completely trust that parents will do a good job of raising their children without any involvement or oversight by other persons in their community. Society (*through* the various communities I mentioned in my previous comment) will have to provide the solution to the problem, instead of expecting that parents will suddenly reform themselves, without any prodding from outside themselves, merely because that’s what they ought to do. Yes, that’s what they ought to do—but realistically speaking, they probably won’t. Even if some people are more naturally inclined to be bad parents than others, I think there are ways to make them better parents than what they would otherwise be.

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      2. Obviously parents have to be fixed no doubt about that. If u have no experience dealing with manipulators, liars, thieves its very difficult to comprehend how they commit abuse in front of society.

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      3. I don’t know why you make the assumption I have no experience with such people.

        The reason why they’re able to commit that abuse in front of society is because the other members of society have not bothered (or refuse) to learn how to recognize the signs of the abuse. Have you read the post I mentioned before? In it, I talk about we might go about creating incentives for other people in society to learn how to recognize those signs.

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      4. You are focusing on only society, that’s important in overall behavior of people. However u can have the most equal, peaceful, egalitarian society and there will still be evil people, as there are parasites.

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