Blame Game

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One will realize when interacting with narcissists that they are master manipulators, they play the blame game expertly, they will target their prey and victimize them making sure they get all the blame.

Strategy of narcissists is to identify a scapegoat that they can shift all of their life’s problems, abuse and victimize them to bear the burden of guilt. They will also have a ‘golden’ ideal person to worship and make sure that they are catered to all the time. Within a family dynamics this is extremely common among members who have this psychiatric disorder, to manipulate their victims often their own family member whilst glorifying their ‘ideal’ child.

In a larger societal level, this practice can often be seen among politicians, radical groups, who will easily manipulate their language, in order to convince the followers. People who are taking part in those groups and are actively promoting it, are by no means have any psychological disorder, but they are no doubt the victims of a master manipulative leader.  It often becomes very difficult for the individual who is in a cult group to have a different view; not only does the person need to contend with a brutal leader, but also need to deal with the whole group, the culture, often times the structure itself.

As people realize the tactics of narcissists, psychopaths they will need to educate themselves about their personality traits which will aid them to identify their true hidden intentions. Thus people can be careful and not play the blame game.

Fearlessness

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In the face of so many malevolent acts, in an environment lurking with such tyranny, immense greed, hostility, evil intentions I overlook them. I do not fear this, or am I neglecting it, I have coped with similar situations like this before throughout my life, a mechanism that my body has adjusted itself.

Going way back to our historical past, may provide us with some clue. Out in the wild, humans were exposed to the bare tooth and claw of nature, they had to deal with loads of issues, hostile climate, disease, food, and most importantly other predators lurking in the shadows. It has become an evolutionary trait to counter such hostilities, to be courageous, to cope by adjusting the body mechanisms. These mechanisms provided humans with survival instincts to go through harsh times.

Whenever I see stories of extreme human condition, whether someones climbing icy mountains, running a marathon under the scorching sun, dealing with grievous injuries, or being locked up by an abuser, I am reminded of the survival mode that humans can undergo. It is a reminder that humans can cope extreme conditions and also create hostile situations, it is the best and worst of ourselves, according to biology professor Robert Sapolsky.

It may seem odd, when I say to others that I am not afraid in the face of danger. A mechanism that has taken millions of years to produce, a coping behavior that was bought out due to my abusive past. Whether it will be a survival strategy or cause more harm to me in this modern era is anyone’s guess; will fearlessness be a strength or will it cause undue misuse remain a mystery.

Buried relief

I was abroad, just got a room in a family home stay, after finishing my dinner, I topped up my mobile to call home. Didn’t know what to expect, but I finally got the news, it was shocking to hear it at first, I could barely focus or sleep, and at the same time felt this weight come off my shoulders.

On one hand it is a complex emotion but on the other it is a sigh of relief. It is because of that man, that my life has turned out this way, my father was never the guardian one expects, he is a mastermind of terror, abuse, that destroyed the family. Too many horrors to even put it into words.

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As I was looking at the video of a cult group, it reminded me of my dad, they both had the wide-eye look, both are able to manipulate others by speaking, create confusion and terror by imagining stories. Most importantly they felt the need to be the center of attention.

His game plan was to create chaos, target people to abuse and then make the abuse the abuser. My mother falling for the charming psycho is not a new story, her own diabolical side was only brought out due to my dads influence, thus both of them were partners in crime. He wanted everyone to take care of his needs, if others didnt follow he would torture them, he never felt the pain of others but only caused them pain. 

As I gathered back my thoughts I was glad that a hideous person was gone from this world. I felt this sense of relief from my mind while touring the whole day.

Challenging Recovery

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Having gone through the whole ordeal with my situation, there is always an outcome, sometimes it is both positive and negative, or both, in my case it’s both. Good in the sense, that other people know the ‘two-face’ parasites that have been on my back throughout my life.

This time things had gone to such malevolent level, once people even hear such evil, it breaks them. It’s not easy to be bought up in a family that is full of selfish, narcissistic, psychopaths, it’s even more difficult to convince others of the manipulation, the abuse, the evil that I had to face every day. No one would believe that my parents, who graduated from medical school, are well mannered and articulate in front of others, could do such horrendous things. It looks as if they had been wearing a mask in front of others, and then showing me a different face.

It looks as if they had been wearing a mask in front of others, and then showing me a different face.

Going through depression, sometimes I see my future with hope, and other times I see it as hopelessness. Many times hopelessness came to me, and I was thinking of taking the easy way out, there was no will, no support, nothing for me to see except, when I look back at the scene, how the hell did I go through this shit, I am not supposed to be alive writing this, but here I am still writing, thinking, breathing.

Snake Parents

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Just as I thought things were going to be the same, my mother’s manipulation and her disingenuous ways were going to continue, things suddenly took a different turn.

Factitious stories being told were not adding up, manipulation tactics being used were being outed, the deceitfulness being caught. I always assumed that one day her true side was going to be shown, but the ‘master manipulator’ was always going to figure out a way to get out, however this time it didn’t.

This time, things have gone too far, the stakes were too high, someone could have lost their life. Timing of the incident was not just pure coincidence, it was clear of the deception. No more hiding, no way to deny incidents, no lying because the records have proven otherwise. Most striking part was sheltering and defending her favorite son, who was no doubt the voice that conspired to do evil.

A devious plan that one expects from watching movies, coming from pure evil, the psychopaths, criminals, and other scums of this planet. I didn’t expect that this scheme would be caught by the most unlikely person, my uncle, my mothers closest confidant, which even shocked him. It’s good to know that other family members, have now seen the ‘side’ of evil, which I always knew but couldn’t convince them, now they know, I feel vindicated.

Shit-storm coming

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As soon as I landed in my country, with filth all around the airport, smelly toilet, and overcrowded species I felt this sick pain in my stomach. Little did I know about the shit storm that would start.

Everyone looked at me suspiciously when I entered the house, I knew something was up. I already had to cut my plans short and wasn’t willing to deal with the negative energy surrounding me, it’s here in my own country, own city, own neighborhood, own family that I feel the most negative energy that one can tolerate.

While having a conversation with my narcissistic mother, her paranoia knows no bounds, that’s why I always avoided having any discussions with her. I find out she reported me to the police ! making up stories in her head, that I will do evil things. She made up stories to the police, that I hadn’t told her where I was going (a lie), even though the phone records show that I called her. As expected the law enforcement, came to my home as soon as I bought a new pc, and searched my whole room, took my laptop, pc, passports, pen drives, then I was escorted to the station where I had to spend the whole night.

As I was sitting in the air-conditioned unit of the detective branch station, I was thinking I should have expected this from my own mother, it didn’t surprise me that she would do something like this, but going through this whole experience has taken it’s toll. In the morning officers questioned my motive to go to Indonesia, a beautiful paradise, that’s what my reply was. Even though I stopped going to mosque since high school and was non religious, and talked about dangers of some religion in my blog posts, they were suspicious of my motive. The lack of poor unverified intelligence they had was still shocking, which was perpetuated by my mothers paranoia.

Even after several weeks since the incident, I am troubled by my family’s behavior, what other ways are they going to hurt me. I am troubled by the corrupt law enforcement in our country, the poor intelligence, the corrupt practices, punishing innocent victims, as of now my computers, passports are still with the authorities.

Off a cliff

At grade 3 at the time, the math exams were an hour long, I use to finish it half-an hour before the others. Fast forward today and I can barely do basic arithmetic, this is what broken childhood will do to the mind. I remember reading the article about the girl who was a mathematical genius but became an escort, naturally I assumed that she is a nymphomaniac. Now having reflected on the story this is a sad case of childhood abuse that people can barely understand.

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The abuser and abused sitting side by side, the public thinks, such a young girl getting admitted at Oxford is incredible and her family is outstanding. Reality is quite different, especially for asian families, in most cases the family puts immense pressure on gifted children to perform mental feats only a mature brain is capable of handling. Also asian families value their social standing and ‘reputation’ very carefully, and putting their children at an ivy league college is considered honorable.

I often see child prodigies getting admitted at ivy league institutions very early on, and this is a big mistake by colleges, although the child is capable of doing those specific tasks in the academic arena, they are not fully matured enough to deal with the responsibilities and roles that comes in an environment designed for adults. This is why I often see bizarre things called ‘safe spaces’, banning ‘controversial’ speakers, because the kids are not fully matured to even be in college. Oxford is just as irresponsible as her half-wit parents to accept Sufiah Yusof and her demise to destruction.

Her family is interracial, her mother is Malaysian, and her dad is Pakistani. For those who don’t know Pakistani people are the shit-hole of humanity that exists in this world, they are far gross than any race in this world. Both of them are strict religious ideologues, and in a religion which has a history of child abuse, and the father being a paki-filth was the abuser, he was arrested for abusing two other girls. Culturally and religiously pakistani’s have a tradition of incest, abuse, murder which they justify specifically due to religion.

Path to destruction started by her family, her dad no doubt a pathological predator, and training to excel at academia requires plenty of sacrifice, which children should not be forced to do. Even a prodigy is also a child, and proper upbringing will ensure both work and leisure balance, no doubt she never had that opportunity. Plenty of celebrity stars had faced this dilemma, without proper guidance they exhibit bizarre behavior, one is Miley Cyrus, and in this case of Sufia Yusof, who turned to escort.

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On top of that you have a society that is pushing these kids to excel, either academically, athletically, or entertainment wise. After all this is just entertainment, the public’s appetite at the cost of a child’s life.

Standing in line

Standing in line inside a government building for hours, hundreds of eager peasants looking for confirmation from bureaucrats to move along. One group I was focused on was a women with her two sons, they were standing before me, always arguing with one another, it reminded me of my family.

Anytime one is dealing with public institutions, especially in countries in south east asia, bureaucracy is the name of the game. What should only take several minutes lasts up to several hours; standing among the mass of humanity spending my time observing people’s behavior.

The family I focused on, was always bickering, questioning, constantly shuffling the papers, it was mostly done by the mother. She kept making changes to her form, putting on a new picture, changing it after every hour. All this clearly annoyed both of her sons, both of them getting into heated arguments with their mother. The women was elderly, perhaps stressed out, but boasting her credentials to not only her children but other people who were nearby.

She was making a scene, wanting all the attention to herself, garner as much sympathy from others, at one instance her son slapped down her papers, clearly irritated that she will not follow the instructions, rather she made her point that she will do whatever she wants.

This is what’s known as ‘Munchhausen syndrome‘, garnering sympathy and attention, by playing victim, using identity politics, political correctness and various other means. Humans are capable of such manipulation, deception that very few animals can rival.

No Breakfast

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What started my interests in breakfast was looking at the hundreds of images of animals on cereal boxes,  it was enough to make me crave for those delicious sweet munchies. But it is a beloved meal that I no longer take these days.

Growing up during my childhood, I had all kinds of unhealthy snacks for my morning meal, it was usually ‘snacks’ not a proper meal. I remember taking sweet biscuits, left overs from yesterday night, yet I was never given a decent meal. Both my parents had freshly made bread and usually vegetables, however none was ever given to me. Only, in rare occasions when guests came over was I given, or when there was a holiday.

Just think for a minute, I was only given a decent meal, when guests/relatives used to come over, or when there was a public holiday, the rest of the days, I just ate whatever snack I could find, and it was mostly unhealthy stuff like biscuits. It sounds like the script of harry potter novel, but this was my reality.

On the rare occasions I got the chance to have my favorite breakfast, which is perfectly cooked poached eggs, with toasted bread, it felt so heavenly. There are people who like morning food, to jump start the day, I was one of them. My parents always gave me ‘excuses’ like there is no need to have any morning meal, which may be the case, but to neglect my needs by not giving me any meals, is abuse.

Don’t Listen

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“If there is a kid out there, told by a parent, a coach, a teacher, somebody they look up to, somebody that’s supposed to push them, and believe in them, and they are told no. Don’t listen to them.” CM Punk after his ufc debut.

Going from ‘pro-wrestling’ show business to ‘combat’ sports has been a journey for Punk, in fact his life has been an uphill task, which he has been able to overcome. Coming from an abusive family, which he left, and going on the road is extremely challenging for those who have faced this path, a path that can take you to places in your mind one can never imagine.

Parents, teachers and the community that is supposed to help and aid people, has been torn down. Getting to the root of the issue, the society has been individualized, where competition decides fate, it will bring out the worst characteristics of humans. There is a side to humans, that is sadistic, narcissistic, egotistic, which has been the norm currently.

Listening to one his infamous promo on a live show, was shocking as he went after the company, the employees, as one can expect in a ‘entertainment’ industry. He did the right thing, when he left his family; he did the right thing when he dropped bomb shell on a live show; he did the right thing to move over to combat sports, because the one thing he didn’t do was listen to people who only told him ‘no’.