Off a cliff

At grade 3 at the time, the math exams were an hour long, I use to finish it half-an hour before the others. Fast forward today and I can barely do basic arithmetic, this is what broken childhood will do to the mind. I remember reading the article about the girl who was a mathematical genius but became an escort, naturally I assumed that she is a nymphomaniac. Now having reflected on the story this is a sad case of childhood abuse that people can barely understand.

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The abuser and abused sitting side by side, the public thinks, such a young girl getting admitted at Oxford is incredible and her family is outstanding. Reality is quite different, especially for asian families, in most cases the family puts immense pressure on gifted children to perform mental feats only a mature brain is capable of handling. Also asian families value their social standing and ‘reputation’ very carefully, and putting their children at an ivy league college is considered honorable.

I often see child prodigies getting admitted at ivy league institutions very early on, and this is a big mistake by colleges, although the child is capable of doing those specific tasks in the academic arena, they are not fully matured enough to deal with the responsibilities and roles that comes in an environment designed for adults. This is why I often see bizarre things called ‘safe spaces’, banning ‘controversial’ speakers, because the kids are not fully matured to even be in college. Oxford is just as irresponsible as her half-wit parents to accept Sufiah Yusof and her demise to destruction.

Her family is interracial, her mother is Malaysian, and her dad is Pakistani. For those who don’t know Pakistani people are the shit-hole of humanity that exists in this world, they are far gross than any race in this world. Both of them are strict religious ideologues, and in a religion which has a history of child abuse, and the father being a paki-filth was the abuser, he was arrested for abusing two other girls. Culturally and religiously pakistani’s have a tradition of incest, abuse, murder which they justify specifically due to religion.

Path to destruction started by her family, her dad no doubt a pathological predator, and training to excel at academia requires plenty of sacrifice, which children should not be forced to do. Even a prodigy is also a child, and proper upbringing will ensure both work and leisure balance, no doubt she never had that opportunity. Plenty of celebrity stars had faced this dilemma, without proper guidance they exhibit bizarre behavior, one is Miley Cyrus, and in this case of Sufia Yusof, who turned to escort.

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On top of that you have a society that is pushing these kids to excel, either academically, athletically, or entertainment wise. After all this is just entertainment, the public’s appetite at the cost of a child’s life.

Standing in line

Standing in line inside a government building for hours, hundreds of eager peasants looking for confirmation from bureaucrats to move along. One group I was focused on was a women with her two sons, they were standing before me, always arguing with one another, it reminded me of my family.

Anytime one is dealing with public institutions, especially in countries in south east asia, bureaucracy is the name of the game. What should only take several minutes lasts up to several hours; standing among the mass of humanity spending my time observing people’s behavior.

The family I focused on, was always bickering, questioning, constantly shuffling the papers, it was mostly done by the mother. She kept making changes to her form, putting on a new picture, changing it after every hour. All this clearly annoyed both of her sons, both of them getting into heated arguments with their mother. The women was elderly, perhaps stressed out, but boasting her credentials to not only her children but other people who were nearby.

She was making a scene, wanting all the attention to herself, garner as much sympathy from others, at one instance her son slapped down her papers, clearly irritated that she will not follow the instructions, rather she made her point that she will do whatever she wants.

This is what’s known as ‘Munchhausen syndrome‘, garnering sympathy and attention, by playing victim, using identity politics, political correctness and various other means. Humans are capable of such manipulation, deception that very few animals can rival.

Growth inside a Prison

kidsplayingLooking at the two children that came to my neighbors place, I recognized something different about them, they were quite small, fear in their eyes, no smile on their face, low pitched laugh coming out of the mouth, limited in their body motion. I remember this vividly in my childhood, because we played together. After they had left, I asked him why are the children so fearful and short ?

He replied, “because their parents don’t love them”

I was confused by his answer, as I myself was a kid at that time and couldn’t figure out; but after nearly a decade his answer is ringing a bell in my head. I didn’t connect the dots at that time, I was a short kid too, and they were also short, they were not as emotionally matured as normal kids are. I kept thinking what stood out, whenever they used to play, or do any sort of thing, their abusive loud mother would scold them, humiliate them, and punish them physically.

Punishing children physically is accepted in our country, so there was nothing the law could do against beating children. At certain times some children may require light punishment, but the problem lies when psychotic parents use the law as a way to physically torture and abuse kids. All the people that I remember who had faced abusive childhood, were either physically small or emotionally immature. That’s not to say that all people who are small or immature faced abuse, but it is an absolute a fact what abusive childhood does to people.

Caring parents create a safe environment for children, this emotional connection they have with their children, provides understanding, empathy, needs. As I was confused, when I heard the word ‘love’ and how it impacts childhood, I recognized there was no ‘emotional‘ connection between me and my parents, it was just behavioral connection, this didn’t allow me to be as emotionally mature. A child’s brain needs constant emotional empathy and care, that releases the growth hormone for physical growth which in turn provides emotional growth.

turma_112When I arrived in London, the center of the financial capital in Europe, to not only explore and do my studies, but also to get away from my family. I realized all this time I had been living in a prison, and being in a prison has taken it’s toll. I couldn’t function in a fast pace environment, I wasn’t mature enough to deal with stress and responsibilities, I didn’t know how to communicate effectively and connect with people, the scars and trauma are too much for me to continue, I am back in the prison, the prison broke me.