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It’s been almost two months, travelling to different continents, crossing the oceans, seeing whales, living in quite mountains, observing nature, culture, meeting amazing people, eating delicious food, checking out of hotels, flights and airports and finally arriving back home.

A home that I no longer wanted to call it, but due to family circumstances had to come back to this shit-hole, this crowded city, garbage infrastructure, selfish people. It’s been a while since I had any access to a computer, where I could sit and right about my thoughts.

Ever since my journey started I could barely stop and think about what to write, I don’t use smartphones to write blogs, it’s not for me. I could write thousands of blog posts about my experiences abroad, however I wanted to see what it is like to stay away from a pc, but not a smartphone. Technology is not the issue here, without technology I wouldn’t have been able to cross oceans, go to amazing places, rather technology is the driving force that allows me to explore the world.

My travel itinerary would have been longer, much longer but family issues had bought me back; on the other hand, carrying a heavy backpack, finding hotels, eating out was taking a toll so I wanted to take a break and plan my journeys better.

As soon as I step into the matrix, shit storm begins, and I will be writing about this later on, both my body and mind has taken it’s toll. I am glad that you as a reader of this blog has stayed with me, and I hope to explore our deepest philosophical questions, our culture, our society with you.

Standing in line

Standing in line inside a government building for hours, hundreds of eager peasants looking for confirmation from bureaucrats to move along. One group I was focused on was a women with her two sons, they were standing before me, always arguing with one another, it reminded me of my family.

Anytime one is dealing with public institutions, especially in countries in south east asia, bureaucracy is the name of the game. What should only take several minutes lasts up to several hours; standing among the mass of humanity spending my time observing people’s behavior.

The family I focused on, was always bickering, questioning, constantly shuffling the papers, it was mostly done by the mother. She kept making changes to her form, putting on a new picture, changing it after every hour. All this clearly annoyed both of her sons, both of them getting into heated arguments with their mother. The women was elderly, perhaps stressed out, but boasting her credentials to not only her children but other people who were nearby.

She was making a scene, wanting all the attention to herself, garner as much sympathy from others, at one instance her son slapped down her papers, clearly irritated that she will not follow the instructions, rather she made her point that she will do whatever she wants.

This is what’s known as ‘Munchhausen syndrome‘, garnering sympathy and attention, by playing victim, using identity politics, political correctness and various other means. Humans are capable of such manipulation, deception that very few animals can rival.

Don’t Listen

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“If there is a kid out there, told by a parent, a coach, a teacher, somebody they look up to, somebody that’s supposed to push them, and believe in them, and they are told no. Don’t listen to them.” CM Punk after his ufc debut.

Going from ‘pro-wrestling’ show business to ‘combat’ sports has been a journey for Punk, in fact his life has been an uphill task, which he has been able to overcome. Coming from an abusive family, which he left, and going on the road is extremely challenging for those who have faced this path, a path that can take you to places in your mind one can never imagine.

Parents, teachers and the community that is supposed to help and aid people, has been torn down. Getting to the root of the issue, the society has been individualized, where competition decides fate, it will bring out the worst characteristics of humans. There is a side to humans, that is sadistic, narcissistic, egotistic, which has been the norm currently.

Listening to one his infamous promo on a live show, was shocking as he went after the company, the employees, as one can expect in a ‘entertainment’ industry. He did the right thing, when he left his family; he did the right thing when he dropped bomb shell on a live show; he did the right thing to move over to combat sports, because the one thing he didn’t do was listen to people who only told him ‘no’.

Sleepless Nights

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My eyes wide open, it’s almost 2:00 am and I suddenly find myself thinking what am I doing with my life ? What is happening to me ? This is not the way it is supposed to be.

Over the last couple of years, this event has been reoccurring more frequently, more viciously. This is the result of a traumatic past in my childhood, or what’s known as PTSD. When I heard about PTSD in the media, by psychologists I thought this is just another pseudo-term for people who are weak minded; people who complain about seats when driving their BMW, people who travel in jumbo jets and criticize the wifi connection. Until I began to explore my behaviors from my childhood into adulthood, I noticed the odd behaviors, mood swings, feeling empty, all of this explained PTSD.

The beginning to discover my childhood is a traumatic event, it’s what was swept under the rug, mainly because my parents always sort of sidelined the abuses that I had incurred in their hands. They were masters of gaslighting, they manipulated their way around the situation, they always blamed me for all the faults in my life.

I began to think in my memory, which was manipulated in so many ways, until it hit me straight in the face, why did other family members wanted to ‘adopt’ me, they wanted to take care of me, both family members from either side saw the errors of my parents early on, which I hadn’t realized before.

Until it hit me straight in the face, why did other family members wanted to ‘adopt’ me

It’s a long story, and mentioning the abuse and impact on me will take too much space, but this article sums up what I face regularly.